Why “Fake It Til You Make It” Is One of the Worst Pieces of Advice I’ve Ever Heard

I have never liked the phrase “fake it til you make it.”

People have told me it’s meant to inspire confidence — to “act” like the person you want to become until it feels real. But to me, it has always felt like putting on a mask. It’s pretending to be something you’re not, instead of building the skills, the mindset, and the confidence to truly own that space.

And for me, it’s personal.

My First FIM Summit — and Betty’s Voice in My Head

I’ll never forget walking into the very first FIM Summit.

Thirty-three strong, powerful women filled the room — women with incredible titles, years of experience, and resumes that made my stomach flip. And I was supposed to lead the summit.

On the outside, I smiled. I greeted each woman with warmth and energy. But inside? I was comparing myself to every single person in that room. I was listening to the voice in my head — a voice I call Betty — and she was relentless:

“You don’t belong here.”
“They’re stronger, smarter, more accomplished.”
“They deserve the spotlight, not you.”

I can be a stand for women all day. I can cheer them on, encourage them, and believe in their brilliance. But cheering for myself? That’s harder.

I constantly wrestle with the balance between leaning into my strengths and staying humble. Sometimes it feels like owning my success is bragging. So, I often put others in front, shine the spotlight on them, and quietly step back.

And in that moment, the advice to “fake it til you make it” would have meant pretending I was confident and certain — when inside, I was anything but.

Why “Fake It” Backfires

Here’s what I’ve learned: faking it doesn’t just feel inauthentic — it fuels imposter syndrome. It keeps you locked in a cycle of comparison because you’re constantly measuring yourself against the image you think you should be, rather than the leader you actually are becoming.

It also:

• Erodes trust. People can sense when you’re not being genuine.

• Steals learning opportunities. Pretending you know it all keeps you from asking the questions that lead to growth.

• Perpetuates the myth that leaders are fearless and flawless, which isolates the very people you want to connect with.
  
  

What to Do Instead

I’ve replaced “fake it til you make it” with something far better:

Practice it until you master it.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

1. Acknowledge the gap. Instead of pretending, own what you don’t know — to yourself and, when appropriate, to others.

2. Name your inner critic. Mine’s Betty. Giving her a name helps me separate her voice from my truth.

3. Ask for support. Lean on mentors, peers, and communities where it’s safe to be learning out loud.

4. Practice courage in small ways. You don’t have to leap — sometimes the bravest thing you can do is take the next step.

5. Celebrate progress, not perfection. Mastery comes from repetition, not from pretending you’ve already arrived.
   
   

The Shift

When I stopped faking and started practicing, something powerful happened:

• I still felt nervous, but I didn’t feel like a fraud.

• I could connect with others on a human level instead of hiding behind a polished façade.

• I realized that the women in that room weren’t expecting me to be perfect — they were hoping I’d be real.
  
  

Call to Action

If you’ve been told to “fake it til you make it,” I want to challenge you to try something different. Practice it. Show up consistently. Build your skills and confidence through repetition and reflection.

And if you’ve got a “Betty” in your head, tell her this:
I’m not faking it. I’m practicing until I master it.

-Kristie Clayton
HERverse Founder
#HERthoughts