Best Self vs. Most Self: Redefining the Way Women Show Up in Leadership

If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent years striving to be your best.

Polished. Prepared. Productive.

The version of yourself that checks all the boxes, keeps it together, and carries the weight of everyone’s expectations.

But somewhere along the way, I started to wonder…

What if my best self isn’t always my truest self?

What if striving to be my best is sometimes masking my most?

In HERverse, we talk a lot about showing up as whole humans. And I believe it’s time we shift from the constant pursuit of “best” to the brave expression of “most.”

What’s the Difference?

Your Best Self is the curated version.
It’s the highlight reel. It’s you on a good day, when everything aligns. Think: steady, responsive, calm, focused. The leader you want others to see.

Your Most Self is the full picture.
It’s the full range of who you are; your fire, your feelings, your intuition, your messiness, your wisdom. It’s raw. Real. Aligned. It’s not always easy, but it’s always true.

Best self is externally measured.
Most self is internally felt.

Where the “Best Self” Narrative Falls Short

We’re often told to “be your best self” in high-stakes meetings, at networking events, or when managing a tough conversation.

But here’s the thing: the best self can become a performance if we’re not careful. A mask. A filtered version of ourselves we present to the world to be palatable, productive, or professional.

It’s not that our best self is bad.
It’s that it’s incomplete.

And for women leaders—especially those in second-in-command roles—this pressure to be the “best” version often silences the instincts, ideas, and identities that make us powerful.

The Rise of the Most Self Leader

When you show up as your most self, you:

• Lead with clarity instead of perfection.

• Speak with truth instead of filtered diplomacy.

• Make decisions from alignment instead of appearance.

• Empower others through your wholeness, not just your polish.
  
  

Being your most self gives others permission to do the same. It makes room for human leadership—and that’s the kind of leadership that changes lives, companies, and communities.

HOW TO: Step Into Your Most Self as a Leader

1. Redefine What “Best” Means
   Ask yourself: Is this really my best? Or is it my safest? My most acceptable? Challenge the story behind what “best” looks like.
   
   

2. Tune Inward Before You Perform Outward
   Build daily practices that help you connect to your body, heart, and gut—not just your to-do list.
   
   

3. Speak From the Center, Not the Script
   When you speak in meetings or with your team, don’t default to rehearsed responses. Speak from your most self—even if it’s not fully polished.
   
   

4. Celebrate Range, Not Just Results
   Acknowledge your full emotional range. Your most self might be confident or cautious. Bold or quiet. What matters is that it’s real.
   
   

5. Create Environments Where Others Can Be Their Most Self Too
   This is where the ripple effect begins. Psychological safety starts with the leader. If you want your team to show up as their full selves, show them how.
   
   

The Call for Women Leaders

Let’s normalize being whole over being perfect.
Let’s trade polished personas for powerful presence.
Let’s lead from our depth, not our performance.

The world doesn’t need more of your best.
It needs all of your most.

Call to Action:
This week, pause and ask yourself: Am I leading from my best self or my most self?

Notice where you’re curating versus connecting. Start with one area - maybe a conversation, a decision, or how you show up in your next meeting and lead from your most instead of your best. 

-Kristie Clayton
HERverse Founder
#HERthoughts